When love becomes a scam: A woman’s journey through heartbreak and healing

Sammie, a 41-year-old European lady, found herself in a vulnerable state after going through a divorce. It was during this time that she met a man named Rob, who claimed to be a 45-year-old civil engineer.

Rob reached out to her on Instagram, and as they got to know each other, they grew closer.

However, things took a turn when Rob told Sammie that his father was sick and needed money for an operation.

He claimed that his bank accounts had been frozen and that he needed her help. Sammie, wanting to help the man she had grown to care for, sent him several thousand pounds and even bought Bitcoin for him, effectively laundering the cash he sent her.

It wasn’t until later that Sammie discovered that the pictures Rob had been using were all stolen and that his identity was a fabrication. Despite this revelation, Sammie still found herself in love with the man she had grown close to, even though he was a Nigerian internet fraudster.

The question remains whether love truly is blind in this case, as Sammie’s feelings for Rob seem to have persisted even after discovering his true status.

She eventually discovered that ‘Rob’ was a 20-year-old scammer from Nigeria. And, once she knew, she still wanted to talk to this young man who had captured her heart.

He told her his real name was Smith, and they both cried over the phone, with Sammie describing him as ‘remorseful.’ He set up a new account using his own photograph and they carried on messaging.

He told her he had used the money she had given him to get out of Nigeria and that he was now living in Cyprus, where he wanted to start college. He said he had fallen for her and couldn’t bear the thought of leaving her.

Smith told her that, aside from the lies about the circumstances, when he talked to her as Rob, it was how he always felt as himself.

She said, “It was like having him back.”

After a few months, he started to ask her for money again. Sammie was angry and the relationship cooled, but a couple of weeks later he messaged her through Snapchat with a love heart — and she messaged straight back.

He didn’t open the message and hasn’t been in touch with her since.

I asked her, “If he messaged you today would you forgive him?’ She looked down, gave a small smile and said, ‘I dunno.’ Then she started crying and it was horrible to see.

Even when she knew who he was and what he did, she was still prepared to entertain the fact it was a relationship.

It’s hard to know if Smith was part of an organised gang of scammers, but it seems likely.

While South East Asia is responsible for the most romance scams, Nigeria is the second most common place of origin.

In Nigeria, I’ve heard anecdotally that the scammers term the practice ‘hunting for an old white,’ while in South East Asia, they’re known as ‘pig-butchering scams’ because the fraudsters think of it like fattening up an animal before you slaughter it.

Pig-butchering scams are a cross between romance fraud and crypto currency fraud and are often highly technologically advanced.

The best way to protect yourself is to be aware of the scripts and tricks fraudsters use to reel in victims.

Many scammers seem to use a name comprised of two first names — for example, Mark Patrick, John William, Stephen Thomas — perhaps because they aren’t familiar with Western surnames.

Scammers often use a set of common stories, such as being a widower who lost their spouse to illness or a car accident, having a cheating ex-partner, having a child in boarding school, having a sick family member, being very religious, or working in a profession like the military, medicine, or oil rigs.

As soon as you reply, he is likely to ask, ‘Are you married with kids?’ and he will express romantic feelings, even love, extremely quickly.

You’ll be the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, the sort of woman he could really have a special connection with and so on.

Next he’ll want to get you off the platform he contacted you on and onto a messaging app such as WhatsApp, Viber, Telegram, Skype or Google Chat as soon as possible.