Is it wrong to marry my dead wife’s best friend?

I met my wife Omolara through her best friend, Folashade. Shade, as we call her is a childhood friend of sorts because, we grew up on the same street but there was no relationship between us until we met at the University.

She was studying English while I was studying Accounting. You know how you meet and you bond with people you are familiar with from home in a foreign place?

We just began to talk once we found ourselves among strangers and soon became like brother and sister.

It was on one of my visits to Lara’s place of accommodation as we lived off campus and one of those half completed buildings rented out to students in town, that I met Omolara, her friend. Omolara and I became an item almost immediately.

We courted throughout school and I made a promise to marry her. We got married immediately I got a job after NYSC and our marriage was blessed with two lovely children.

Sometime last year, my wife began to complain of pain in her breast, after several tests, several theories, it was found to be breast cancer, stage three!

Drugs and radiotherapy became the norm as my wife was hospitalized for a while. That was when she called for Shade to come to our rescue, especially with the kids since I was mostly with her in the hospital.

It was at private hospital and you know a relative has to be with the patient so they can run errands for them; buy injections or drip or medicine the doctor needs, food, help them get up to take a bath… you know the arrangement at hospitals, now?

But after some time, Shade and I would swap, she would stay at the hospital while I took care of the children and once they go to school, I will quickly rush to my shop at Agege where I run a printing press.

I always went by because if I did not show face, my boys would rip me off and steal me blind and you also know, this kind of sickness my wife has requires constant money, serious money. I was juggling office and hospital.

And again, let me say this, calling Shade was my wife’s idea. She didn’t want people to know the kind of disease worrying her. Omolara believed someone in our family was behind it. She told me she had a dream that one of them gave her food in her dream and after that was when they found out she had cancer.

Don’t ask me that question of whether I believe it or not, it is what my wife told me and if she believed it, I would not doubt her. She didn’t want too many people knowing she was sick like that. She was always in pains, severe pains that no amount of injections helped her.  So I think she didn’t want people seeing her so weak.

Anyway, Shade came to our rescue as she had some disappointment in life. When we all finished, there was this guy she met. He finished from UI. I think they met at one of those weddings in the family. I don’t know much about him. I just know the guy had promised to marry Shade but he wanted to go and do a Master’s program in one of these European countries. No not UK, I think Poland . He went abroad, he finished his programme and married a white woman.

So, of course, Shade was in a very bad shape for some time, and it was my wife who helped her stabilize. But Shade is a smart woman, she began to do trade, she began to take care of herself and her parents. Small time, she had a small boutique and business was going well. So when Omolara called, Shade left everything to come to us.

At this time, I had to tell a few of our family members because I swear, as a man, I had to prepare myself for the worst. I told myself, though she says I shouldn’t tell anyone but God forbid she suddenly dies, what soap will I use to wash myself clean of her death?

I told her parents, her siblings and mine.

Three months later my wife died after surgery which they said was successful. She was in massive pain… sorry I am getting emotional…

Everyone saw how Shade was such a help to my wife, everyone thanked and prayed for her because my wife was always telling them to thank her for us.

After Omolara passed on. I was devastated. I took my children to my wife’s people for some time because I just couldn’t cope.

Shade was bringing food once in a while. She would help tidy the house. I am usually not an untidy person but I just didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to get up from bed or eat or live… I was just not in the mood for anything. Plus, I realised it has been such an exhausting job caring for my wife during her period of sickness.

One day, the devil got up to drink water. What do I mean?

Shade had come to the house to help me clean up yet again. I just realised my life would be completely different from what I had planned with Omolara. That was when I finally burst into tears. All this while, almost four months after my wife died, I hadn’t shed a tear. I was too exhausted. That day, it was as if, my heart would break, I was crying like a small boy. Shade came to the parlor and tried to comfort me.

Why I was crying? I mean, I had seen Omolara’s death from afar, even long before she died but I wasn’t even prepared for it.

I don’t know what happened after that. I think we men interpret these things differently. All I wanted most in my life that period was to have sex with a woman. I held this woman and began to undress her. She was surprised and was fighting me. But I held her, I begged her, I was still crying.

I made love to Shade. I didn’t plan it, I didn’t see her as Shade at that time, I just had a need, an urge that I wanted to satisfy. After we made love, we both slept. Woke up and did it again.

I don’t know about love or not. I know I like this woman, a lot! I know my children are safe with her. I know she sacrificed for me and my late wife, I know I want to make her happy. That’s what I know.

Yes, we’ve also ‘met’ a few times since then.

So when she came to me that she is pregnant for me; just two months ago. I had to man up and take responsibility. Shade is 36 years.

She is afraid of what people will say, she thinks they will say we conspired to kill my wife.

I will not stop people from talking but I will not send her away. She has refused to move in with me for now. I will make arrangements for our wedding as my religion doesn’t say I can’t remarry, it’s just the circumstances now but I will take responsibility and I will marry her.