Holy Moses! My lover is a hermaphrodite! ––Casanova turned pastor
By Matthew Dike
Whatever one sows is what the person shall reap. If you are a heart-breaker, God will also show you the recompense of the wicked by luring you into the hands of a woman that will break your heart silly!
Somehow, nemesis is the true story of Anthony and his gang of playboys who played on girls intelligence, promising them undiluted love and ‘Eldorado’ but at the end, abandoning them to their fate in tears, after toying with their emotions and satisfying their unending – sexual libidos. Anthony turned pastor had decided to recall the sinful experience with no hold bared. Hear him.
“It was a day to remember. The weather was so bright and friendly as the sun was shining but not tough on the skin. And thank God, it’s Friday – a special one at that. There was love in the air. No doubt about that, after all, it was a Valentine’s Day..”
Continuing, Anthony said, “I was about 24- years old. Handsome, intelligent and a sex symbol as described by many lovers. My name is Anthony but girls called me Sweet Tony. But most of all, I was a playboy – a proud casanova. As they say, ‘Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are’. Almost all my friends were casanovas.”.
On every Valentine’s Day was a day we set aside for pleasure – expecting a set of new ‘catch’ and ensured we had rollicking wet time with them.’ Today will make it two years my two girlfriends abandoned me. I was about ‘discharging’ one of my girlfriends named Bose from my boys quarters apartment, along Ilado Road, Maroko, in Lagos, when suddenly my most valuable girlfriend, Amina appeared, knocking at the door..
“Amina, was from a wealthy family.. Amina was an epitome of beauty to behold.Pointed nose. Curvy hips.Average height and light in complexion. She was generous ,friendly and kind. She was like the dream of any man.
Amina had dumped me angrily out of mere jealousy. I didn’t blame her because she caught me red- handed with another woman, Bose, who was lying on the bed half-naked but never had the premonition that a rival was coming on the way like a colossal centrifugal force that would threaten the sweet relationship with disintegration.;
Suddenly, Amina opened the door of the apartment and saw Bose in the bed. And immediately their countenance changed. Amina saw it as an unforgivable sin. It was Amina who gave me the money to. rent the apartment. Amina was so furious,alarmed and shocked that she found it difficult to believe or utter a word.for a split minute as she saw me coming from her behind. I just left the convenient room and never knew that danger was lurking around the corner.
To my utter dismay,I saw Amina. A chill ran up my spine. I felt like let the ground open and hid me, but that did not happen. ‘I could afford to loss many girlfriends but not this Amina,’ I imagined.
I wanted to apologize to her with my knees on the floor, and at least tell the smartest lies I could to calm her nerves but to no avail. She swore that it was all over between us. She warned that I should not bother to come closer to her because she would injure me with any object around her.
In tears she ordered, “Sweet Tony or what do you call yourself? Anthony, go back now. I say don’t talk to me. I don’t want to have any word with you. It’s all over between us. I’m not interested in this relationship anymore. I regret knowing you,” continuing, she threatened, “If I have a gun with me I would have killed you. I would have shot you dead and go to jail. After a while, my family will find a way of releasing me from prison.I curse the day I met you. I did everything for you and this is the way you used in paying me back. Thank you very much. And good bye forever!” she hollered
“I’m so sorry, Amina.” I pleaded.. “She (Bose) is my former girlfriend. The one I told you about”, I lied. But she wouldn’t listen. “Goodbye! I mean au revoir!” She snapped.
Pleading for forginess, Anthony said, “Please, my sweetheart. The sweetest sugar that belongs to only me. The fresh breeze that cools my brain and gives me the fresh comfort money can never buy. If loving you can force me to serve jail terms in prison, so be it. Prison must be a better place so far I still have you,” I said, trying to convince her..
Yet, all my utterances sounded like a rigorous catechism in her ears as she shook her head in disappointment and in disbelieve, saying: “Oh Anthony, the only poisonous apple of my eyes, the only mosquito that deprives me of my sleep, my bitter lemon, the only excreta I steps on while awake from slumber, and the only devil that had struggled in between my legs and succeeded, no thanks. I say, goodbye the only cockroach in my cupboard. I will always love to hate you forever!” She snapped and began to walk away.
Imagination took me high. ‘That was the way the cookie crumbles. I knew she meant it. She could carry out her threats of hitting me with any dangerous object and nothing will come out of it even if she shoots me. Her father was a Commissioner of Police and her mother was a member of one the richest families in the northern extraction of Nigeria. They were residing at Ikoyi area of Lagos State. I stood no chance. They have money, power and all the connection in this world. My father was a civil servant on grade Level – 06. We’re living at Maroko, a ghetto in Lagos. I had just finished my youth service. I studied Business Administration at UNILAG. but no job. Amina was my source of livelihood.. But that opportunity has gone down the drain. I blew it exhibiting youthful exuberance.’
It was like a dream and I had to pinch my left hand with the other so hard that blood gushed out before it dawned on me that my only oil block and natural cake had dumped me’.
I watched Amina walked to the balcony. Stood. Looked at her behind. Stared at me with blood -shot eyes and hatred. She opened the door of her Honda Prelude, started it and zoomed off. That was the end and the last time I set my eyes on her..
Amina gave me the money to rent this one room apartment, brought money for the bed, rug, fan, bedding materials, table, among other good things, including my feeding money.
Her rival, Bose was of no economic value. She was still in the apartment , now fully dressed and ready to leave. She too was also so angry. I attempted to appease her but she yelled on top of her voice at me, “Leave me alone. Go and meet your girlfriend. You don’t love me.” Blinking her eyes at me as if I was the real devil in her life, she shouted,:”You’re only a heart breaker who want to hold me down. I wonder how many girlfriends you have deceived. and cheated.”
I decided to play one of Billy Ocean’s songs – this one is entitled ‘Love Zone’. She used to like the song but this time round, she was not in the mood. “Please make room for me. I want to go and don’t block my way, “ she warned.
In short, I was even angry now with Bose somehow because she made me to loss my ‘oil block’. Both of us were ‘Aje pako (The poor),’ leaving at Maroko, Lagos, while she made me to lose Amina, my “Aje butter’(Child of the rich) who resides at Ikoyi and took care of me, financially. I concluded that Bose should go to hell and never to return back to me. I also warned her never to return to me.. And that was how two beautiful ‘babes’ abandoned me same day. It was the day I would not forget in a hurry.
Just like some other relationship, I have closed the chapters and moved on with my life. . After that incident I have had carnal knowledge of about 21 damsels between the ages of 19 and 24 in two years.
Today is another Valentine’s Day! I have prepared my room and sprayed the air refresher at home because I was hoping it would turn out to become another great day for me. After wearing my best Tee – shirt suitable for the day- it was a white shirt but at the front of it was a red heart pierced with a red rose flower, symbolizing love.. I also wore the reigning Butterfly Jeans trousers, blue in colour, with a pair of white Slip-On shoes to match. I still had some perfume Amina bought for me called Raw LOVE. It was a very nice perfume – pleasant deodorant. Now I was ready to paint the Town red and with N50 in my pocket, the World is mine!
I was going to the third building to see my friend, Emmanuel and to inquire if he was ready for the party at 1004 Housing Estate, Victoria Island, Lagos. Before I could walk few metres to the front of his residence he was already coming towards my direction, ready to go and unwind.. Just like me, no female partner, we were only going out for a ‘hunting’ escapade.
Emmanuel and I went to Taiwo Elegushi and Udu Streets, Maroko, respectively, to see two of our friends, Andrew and Joseph, popularly called Bobby Joe. And together we walked along the Victoria Island – Lekki expressway to 1004 Housing Estate, Lagos.
It was a birthday party of our good friend called Valentine. The party had begun in earnest. Many guests (only mature youths) were already seated while some were dancing with their lovers.
We sat and the man of the day – Celebrant Valentine came to welcome us and immediately called the waitresses to take orders and ensure that we were served to our satisfaction.
Valentine’s parents had traveled to his village in Delta State for a burial, so as the first born, he was the captain of the house.
Bobby Joe did not waste time as he called one of the waitresses and after introducing himself, wooed and showered encomium on the fine girl who in turn smiled ceaselessly. One thing led to another and the girl who later identified herself as Ngozi, was all over Bobby Joe until they had closed the service and we saw the girl on Joe’s lap. He had made his choice, wooed her and succeeded.
Meanwhile, I was staring at a beautiful Angel. She’s light -in- complexion, tall, flat tummy and curvy hips. She is a quintessence of beauty. My eyes later became glued to hers. We were sitting about four metres apart. As we were looking at each other, I concluded in my heart that she would be the first to blink. Let’s continue to feel each others chemistry.
Suddenly the Disc Jockey (DJ) changed the song from Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long” to Onyeka Onwenu’s “One Love.” And everybody stood up and danced.. I was still contemplating on whether to walk to her and took excuse from her so that we could dance. But as they say, ‘ Delay is dangerous.’ Another casual friend, Oliver who was an expert in telling lies to the opposite sex when wooing them just stretched his hand to the pretty damsel who responded by dancing with him while her eyes were still glued to mine.
I knew I stood no chance with this liar boy called Oliver. He would lie his way into the heart of any opposite sex. I recalled one day while we were walking along Victoria Island – Lekki expressway, around Sand Field area ,Maroko, Oliver saw this pretty girl and dashed towards her. He was wooing her when he saw a new Mercedes Benz car coming our way. Oliver quickly ran into hiding. After the vehicle had gone far he came out, asking the girl if the man at the owner’s seat saw him and she responded: “I don’t think so.” Lover boy said, “Thank God he did not see me. That’s my dad. He always want me to stay in our mansion at Victoria Island and read. I have some friends here at Maroko, so every Saturday I usually come around to see and play with them.”
Meanwhile, he lives in a boys quarters with his parents and three siblings. He would boast that girls don’t like the truth. He succeeded as usual and moved the girl into another friend’s room, along Ilado Road. He had carnal knowledge of the girl.
He deceived the girl for about three months when the girl had fell head over heels in love with him, only for her to find out the truth..
The girl did not let him know that he was coming to the area. She only wanted to inquire about him. Purely on fact finding mission! Her visit paid off when she saw Oliver in knicker carrying a bucket of water which he poured inside the drainage and was walking back to the boys quarters through the main passage when the girl followed her. She found out that Oliver actually resided in a boys quarters with his parents and three siblings. The girl wept but the deed had been done,
I was still dancing gently alone with my eyes on her.. Suddenly the girl waved her right hand to Oliver and was walking towards me. I did a fast prayer in the mind. As Michael Jackson’s song ‘The Girl Is Mine’ rent the air, she was already a metre close to me and with her right hand stretched forward towards me. “Hi!” she greeted. And “Hi!” I responded, as I shook her hand lightly, feeling the texture of her fragile smooth and soft palm.
“You’re my angel. You’re too beautiful to the extent I could not move my eyes off you. Your beauty can tempt most pastors and Imams.” (Laughter) “Honestly, if the beauty of a woman makes her the goddess of a land, I think I have found my goddess. (General laughter). And If loving you is a sin, may be hell will be very beautiful (in my mind I quickly prayed for forgiveness. May God forgive me). There’s this kind of feeling I felt which I know I have never felt before.I have argued many times that there’s nothing like love at first sight, but here I am. Unable to control my emotion.. Lost deep in my feelings. And I believe you have some atom of emotional feelings for me too. Don’t you?” I asked. “You’re right” she replied. Continuing, I accused her of stealing. “You’re a thief! Yes. You’re a thief!”
“Please I don’t like it. Why should you call me a thief? .What did I steal from you?” She asked, angrily, as many eye turned to look at us.
“Are you not a thief?” I asked, jokingly.
“I’m not a thief. And stop calling me that,” she responded and attempted to walk away when I held her hand, saying, “Didn’t you steal one of my ribs?” I asked.
“Oh’ common- Is that what you mean? There you go again. You’re funny.” she said, laughing. “Anyway, I like many things about you. But let’s continue to dance. You are not dancing. Don’t worry. Are you a Christian? “ She asked.
“Yes. My name is Anthony. But people call me Sweet Tony.”
“My name is Elizabeth- Lizzy for short. I’m from Edo State. I’m in my 400-level.- Criminology.” she added. “I studied Business.Administration- an undergraduate.” I replied.
We continued to dance “The Girl Is Mine” as I held her close to me – neck to -neck, breast -to- breast, and tummy -to -tummy!
We danced slowly as I ran my hands through her hair and back to her waist line.
My friends were not ready to wait till the end of the party since everyone of them had a new ‘catch’ . We later assembled and introduced our new friends to one another. Bobby Joe now told the damsels that the day was a special one and all of us agreed with him. Joe suggested the idea that “we should go to one of our friend’s apartment and feel each other and know each other better. or what do you think, ladies?” asked Bobby Joe..
So at Emmanuel’s room, I sat on the bed with my love,.Elizabeth a.k.a Lizzy. Same was Emmanuel and his new ‘catch’, Monica, while Joe was sitting on the chair with his new babe, Ngozi
Emmanuel switched on his sound set and we began to listen to Lionel Richie’s ‘You Are’ after which Marvin Gaye’s ‘Sexual Healing’ rent the air, but there was no space to dance because the room was not large enough for that. After few minutes I then told my love that my residence was just the third building from there. “So I will like …”
“Like what? What are we still doing here? Let’s go to your apartment.” she suggested.
In my apartment, I bought two bottles of Malt for both of us. I had one policy- I usually tried all I could to have carnal knowledge of any of my girlfriend the first day she steps into my apartment.. I closed the door and was playing with her. and I further rubbed her bonbon but she did not utter a word. But immediately my hand seemed to have trespassed towards her private part she exclaimed: “No! No!! Don’t do that. We are just knowing each other. And let me tell you , please don’t be in a hurry to have carnal knowledge of me..You will do so but it will take you a very long time..” she ordered.
“No problem” , I agreed. But in my heart, not a total submission.”But you know why men usually want to do it?” I asked Elizabeth. “After they have satisfied each other playing adults only game, the love will develop rapidly. There will be trust. So in this case, you will also know whether I love you or not. That will make someone to always remember his or her lover.” I said, thinking that the message was well delivered and sank deep in her., Anthony said.
I gave her my towel, large enough to wrap her body . I lifted the bucket of water and took her to the bedroom and allowed her to take her bath.
I was all alone in the apartment strategizing on how to make love to her. I began to imagine: ‘I’ve fallen in love with this girl I just met hours ago. It’s unlike me. This girl is different from others. I only had physical attraction for Bose. As for Amina, it was either illusion or infatuation or even both. But as for this new damsel called Elizabeth, there is something special about her. I’m sure I’ve fallen in Love with her at first sight. But she is just pretending. Some of them will never agree unless you applied a little force on them. Another thought came into my mind. You are joking with many years imprisonment. One can even rape his wife. Come to talk of mere girlfriend. Well in this matter it’s not rape after all. it is their nature. Some will pretend as if they were not interested but after they will enjoy it and be yearning for more. They had to pretend so that you will not conclude that they are cheap after all’ I concluded in my heart..
After she had taken her bath, she walked into the room while I observed her, lovingly. I could not control myself as I stared at her from behind.I stood up and held her from behind lovingly, caressing her. I began to call her those sweet names. Appreciating her beauty. But while doing so she was also at alert to protect the sensitive pride of a woman. She held the towel tight to her private part. I cannot explain what happened and how the towel fell from her body. Was it intentional? Did she loose grip of the towel? Was that an invitation to come on board and explore ? Should I? Should I not? If she wanted me to and I failed to do it she might not come back here again. So I summoned the courage as I lifted heir to the bed but she made little resistance , saying I should not do it. She used her hand to cover her private part. But when I removed her hands, she wept profusely, because I have seen what I was not supposed to see. “W-H-A-T!! I exclaimed. “So you are a hermaphrodite. Holy Moses! So I’m in love with a hermaphrodite! Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked. I have been changing girls but today, God want to put a stop to it. When I believed that I have fallen in love with a woman, and behold she turned out to be a hermaphrodite.What she had been hiding from even her female friends and two younger sisters is no longer a secret. I have seen her nakedness. My God, behold, my lover is a hermaphrodite. This is incredible and unimaginable.. I was alarmed myself. I have never fallen in love before and I believed this was my very first time in this emotional torture called love. I believed I really loved her.. When I thought I’ve found my real love- she turned out to be a hermaphrodite! My God! What is this? should I really discuss this with my friends? No. No. I don’t have to. They would only laugh at me. Since I love her, let me keep it as a secret to myself. But one thing is clear, the relationship must end here and now! I assured myself..
In tears she begged me as if she had offended me. “It’s not my fault. I was born that way. I’m a hermaphrodite. But I know that I am not a male. I’m a female. I’m ashamed to tell anybody the truth. I love you from the first time I set my eyes on you..Please, don’t disgrace me. If you disappoint me I can kill myself. Don’t tell anyone about it. If I can undergo surgical operation outside the country I will be very happy so that the male private part will be removed. Only my parents know about this. My two younger sisters never knew about it.” She pleaded..
I have never had carnal knowledge of a hermaphrodite. I tried to know the difference as I tried to examine the two opposite organs in one body. I touched the male private part and it brought forth a long bud.. And I whispered to myself: “Ola laah! Her male organ is longer than mine. I wept in my heart, disappointed in myself, and I believed that God probably used Elizabeth to punish me because of my ways with young women.
To God be the glory because today I have repented and I have given my life to Jesus Christ. Now ,i’m a born again- a pastor with one of the popular pentecostal churches in Nigeria, for that matter.I’m married and blessed with three children- one boy, one girl and one hermaphrodite! Guess who I married? Bose! Now I always preached against fornication and adultery. I believe God has forgiven me because in Matthew 7v7, Jesus Christ said, “Ask it shall be given on to you, knock, it shall be opened for you and seek, you shall find.” I have asked God for forgiveness, I knocked the door of grace to repent and He responded. I sought for a wife and He brought back Bose into my life. Glory be to God!THE END.
